sitting with the heater turned up so high...

Yeah, preparing myself for 30°, sun, and heavy rain.

I won't pretend I'm not freaking out... It turns out to be so much harder to go back than to leave. Before I came, it was always suppose to be a year thing and come back to familiar grounds again. But somehow along the way my heart opened to new stuff and I learned to be one of them too. Now, it is so hard leaving and knowing that when I come back everything will be different.

I won't deny the nights I can't sleep I spend thinking about the future. Will we still be friends or will we just leave it as it is... Will I have new friends or can I fit back even after a year away... Will I be able to fit into my new school... Will you be able to understand I need time to re-adjust?

Well, there's so many things running through my head, and I'm not sure if you'll understand. I won't hide that I've change... not only physically but also mentally. I'm no longer this naive 16-year-old. I just hope you'll accept my changes as I accept yours. I'm just so scared that we'll grow apart, 'coz we haven't talked in a while...

I try to forget about the future by acting like nothing's changing, but stuff makes it hard to forget that I'll be leaving in a week's time. People asking stuff like, 'when you're leaving' hit me always on the head forcing me to make a countdown in my head. But don't get me wrong... stuff like going shopping without this little calculator in my head counting how much Ringgit it'll cost, dragging my ass away from Chinese Restaurants, not being able to join reunions, not being able to eat what I thought I'll get so sick of makes me realise that, no matter what, home will always be home even though it seems so foreign at the moment.

Ach... home seems so far away even though it's only a matter of days...