To go or not to go??

I wanna leave.... always wanted to... and then... suddenly something happens... I don't wanna go anymore... but I do... but I don't... I hate it when something happens and then you feel like you don't want to leave anymore.

Sigh... Might be leaving Kuching again... soon. I want to... I'm really sick of !@##$@#$#$#$ but so many happening stuff are gonna happen.
1. my friend from Japan might be visiting
2. my class is going to a cool school trip to a cave. (LOL, doesn't sound cool but wadever)
3. I made new friends...
4. I think I've attached myself to Lodge already...

Sigh... but if I stay here I don't think I can meet any University requirements... 'coz I'm just too... FINE!! i won't say it... Melvin will hit me on the head if I say this again. Haha. I'm just not a science based student... I think... Well, at least I feel that way. And if I go there it'll be a new start (I always say this, don't I?), new subjects!! (no more science!!), and guaranteed placement in UQ, a uni I wanna study in for psychology.

Sadness... But something happened this week... and now I don't feel like leaving... 'coz I got to know you guys so much more now... sadness... and we grew closer.... and it sucks leaving newly found friends...

But I wanna go.... but I don't... Actually I do... but I dunno!!

Anyway, not time to do decisions anyway.... not yet accepted anyway. til then, still have to bare with science. =(

The Great Escape

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight


This song is somehow or another stuck in my head for quite some time already, so yeah... it's sorta my fave song at the moment. I guess 'coz I'm really wanting for my great escape... Somehow I wonder how many escapes are we allowed to have in a life time? I hope more than one...

Do you feel sometime life is such a pain in the ass??? I just wish that my great escape is coming soon and that I can just forget everything that happen yesterday. No more homeworks, no more exams, no more worries about getting into Uni, no more lectures, no more time flying away. Just time and more time for myself...

So emo... swt.

Sowiiiiii

My appologies to all you guys who drop by... still patiently waiting for updates. LOL! Sorry yaaaa... I haven't been online for so long... So lazy to online with piles of homework greeting me everyday.

It's the hols, but still so lazy... Where did I get this laziness from hor??? So impossible la me. Haihhh...

Just bare with me... I have no stories to share really... I know... I'm a boring person. xp

Yeah, back home in Kuching...

Believe it or not, 2 days after touching down in KL and I got sick as in flu and stuff. 2 weeks after I got home, I got food poisoning. OMG!! I don't wanna think what will happen in 2 months time! ~swt~

Yeah, I went straight into school after 1 day rest. It was pretty much okay, but stressful. Don't look at me like that, I know I got home only 2 weeks ago, but that time's enough to make me stress ok. Tests and quiz seems to take part every week, and teachers tend to give us piles and piles of homework. Stop looking at me like that, I DO do my homework okay... =P

Sorry, I haven't had time to meet up with you guys. Time flies! even when I'm back home... LOL... My room's still in a mess as in my cupboard's empty, my suitcase is still full.

I hope I'm well enough to go attend the theory thing tomorrow. Apparently the Malaysian road goverment wnat to kill us with 5 hours of boredom. I hope I survive it with my upset stomach. sighhhh... pray for me. heheee... thx in advance.

Ok, i gotta stop. Just drop by here in case you guys thought I got lost on the way flying to Kuching. Haha!!

sitting with the heater turned up so high...

Yeah, preparing myself for 30°, sun, and heavy rain.

I won't pretend I'm not freaking out... It turns out to be so much harder to go back than to leave. Before I came, it was always suppose to be a year thing and come back to familiar grounds again. But somehow along the way my heart opened to new stuff and I learned to be one of them too. Now, it is so hard leaving and knowing that when I come back everything will be different.

I won't deny the nights I can't sleep I spend thinking about the future. Will we still be friends or will we just leave it as it is... Will I have new friends or can I fit back even after a year away... Will I be able to fit into my new school... Will you be able to understand I need time to re-adjust?

Well, there's so many things running through my head, and I'm not sure if you'll understand. I won't hide that I've change... not only physically but also mentally. I'm no longer this naive 16-year-old. I just hope you'll accept my changes as I accept yours. I'm just so scared that we'll grow apart, 'coz we haven't talked in a while...

I try to forget about the future by acting like nothing's changing, but stuff makes it hard to forget that I'll be leaving in a week's time. People asking stuff like, 'when you're leaving' hit me always on the head forcing me to make a countdown in my head. But don't get me wrong... stuff like going shopping without this little calculator in my head counting how much Ringgit it'll cost, dragging my ass away from Chinese Restaurants, not being able to join reunions, not being able to eat what I thought I'll get so sick of makes me realise that, no matter what, home will always be home even though it seems so foreign at the moment.

Ach... home seems so far away even though it's only a matter of days...

Silvester!!!

Technically it's no longer Silvester... Silvester's new year's eve... and it's 2 hours and 23 minutes into the new year already... So guys...

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!!!!

Selamat Tahun Baru!!!

Frohes Neues Jahr!!

Xin Nian Quai Le!

Okie, I'm not sure if the last one is correct or not... Forgive my Chinese, I didn't learn it in school, so if my pin yin is wrong, help me correct it by leaving me a comment k??

So the fireworks were really crazy after 12am... after an hour plus there were still people lighting up their fireworks! But it was really misty that you couldn't see anything 50 meters away. You could only hear the fireworks. But it was still beautiful 'coz basically almost every house in my street lighted at least 2! People came out of their houses at 12 and started wishing everyone else Happy New Year. It was really nice.

Well, I guess you guys will be wondering and waiting for juicy stories about my Silvester celebrations... Sorry to spoil your mood, but I'm just a boring pig... I didn't really celebrate Silvester that big.

I started the day by going to sleep at about 4.30am plus... and then waking up at 9.30am, but only got out of bed at about 12.30am. And then ate my 'breakfast' of 2 slices of bread and a glass of milk and watched some film my host sister was watching. Later on I went online and read some Malaysian dude's blog about cycling from L.A. to Malaysia. I was pretty amused tho. After that I walked Akira with my host dad along the canal which was really nice. After showering, we had raclette for dinner which was really lecker!! After dinner, we played some guessing game and then Tabu afterwards. And before we could say Happy New Year, the count down was over. We hurried and opened our seck bottles and toasted to the new year and literally ran outside to join the orchestra of fireworks lighting up the misty sky.

I bet the others are probably really drunk right now but I'm all sober blogging... haha... what a way to start the new year huh? Well, it's a part of the reason why I'm all depress lately but I won't go into the details 'coz I don't wanna blog about something bad here... But like I said... or like I didn't say, it's egal! It wasn't like I didn't enjoy it at all right?

Soooo... I hope you guys had a more memoriable New Year Countdown... and wish you guys einen Guten Rutsch ins neues Jahr!! (A good slide into the new year!)

PS: sorry I didn't have any photos, like I said, it was really misty out there!

If the snow won't come to me... I'll go to the snow!

and that was exactly what I did...


No... Actually, that was what my host dad did... He brought me to the snow... Was really nice of him tho... After all these depressing stuff going around my head. Not that he's not nice normally... I mean, he is nice all the time... well, you get what I mean, don't you?


So like... we drove about 2 to 3 hours to the highest point of Nordrhein-Westfalen, the region where I'm staying in Germany, which is Kahler Asten. I woke up at about 8am AGAIN! You know, this waking up early stuff is really driving me up the wall... 'coz I get so tired afterwards but I can't sleep. Annoying that is! So after breakfast we got dressed up all warm and all in the quest to find snow. Tell you the truth, I didn't believe that I would see snow at all since it was really warm... ok, 6° isn't really that warm, but warm for snow to snow... get what I mean? No? Egal.... And then as we got nearer and higher the temperature dropped 0.5° every 100m higher. Hah! I knew that from Form 3 Geography and today I witness the phenomena! LOL!


Anyways, we saw snow on the cars in the opposite direction, and I got excited like what. And then.... we started to see snow on the side of the road... and then on signboards, and trees... and then... It started to snow!! Ok, it was more rain than snow... but who cares... it's still snow.


So we got out of the car into the freezing cold outside... and started walking... and walking... and then we saw some snowmen.... And then my host dad asked whether I wanted to take photo with the snowman... I was like, pffff, I'm here with loads of snow...as if I wanna take photo with some snowman some other people build... I also can build one myself. Haha... Well, I tried... my host dad helped... So we rolled the snow into a ball... no wait... 3 balls... I made 2, and he made 1. He didn't have gloves with him so it was too cold for barehands. Imagine... -0.5°!
If you're wondering the photo up there... it's my snow ball... Hard ok to make it really round... don't believe?? Make yourself then... then see who laugh at who's.... =P

So yeah... after few minutes of hard cold work... my snowman was finished. Well, I won't say I did a great job, besides it IS my first snowman in my life... and it was frigging cold!! and it was cold... and did I mention it was FRIGGING COLD??

You guys still wanna see my snowman ar?? Really??? Don't laugh then...

I said, DON'T LAUGH!!

Don't laugh means don't laugh...

I told you not to laugh...